加国教育:身为父母最艰难是什么时候?

加拿大都市网+-

  Which is the hardest year of parenting? 孩子哪个年纪父母最头痛、最辛苦?

  向不同的父母提出这个问题会有不同的答案。有些说从来都不会觉得孩子麻烦。身为父母只要爱孩子,不论遇上什么问题也会知道怎样解决。

  尽管如此,养育教导孩子并非一帆风顺,孩子成长中总会有些阶段父母觉得最劳心劳力,甚至心力交瘁的。

  模煳日与夜

  Some will argue that it's the very first year of life. It's hazing that brings new parents to their knees: shock therapy for the 18 years ahead. That's when parenting is most demanding, some say - in those around-the-clock, blurry days and nights.

  有些父母会说是一岁以前,难处是hazing。Hazing解the imposition of strenuous, often humiliating, tasks as part of a program of rigorous physical training and initiation,即被迫做苦工。Bring somebody/something to their knees解to destroy or defeat someone or something,完全击败。"Brings new parents to their knees"解令新任的爸爸妈妈喊“投降”。

  孩子出生以前,夫妇自由自在、随心所欲,想做什么便做什么;孩子出生后,生活便以孩子为中心,生活节奏、习惯整体改变,安静地吃完一顿饭也不是经常可以,晚上也不能一觉睡到天亮。

  在这个阶段,妈妈当然特别辛苦。日夜也不分,所以说是"blurry days and nights"。回看这头一年,不少父母都会觉得印象模煳,记不清楚是怎样捱过的。

  两岁最难搞

  有人却说最难搞是孩子刚到两岁的时候︰

  There's a reason the next year is called the "Terrible Twos" - a time of meltdowns, the oft-repeated "No!" and high-speed chases, always potentially damaging to body and property.

  电影中的high-speed chase是惊心动魄的追车场面。孩子懂得跑来跑去时,那high-speed chase就开始在家中发生,孩子横冲直撞,父母在后面猛追、扶,恐防孩子跌倒或撞倒。

  核子反应堆出事熔解叫meltdown,这个字也引申解disastrous events(灾难性的事故)。孩子若受伤,就是meltdown。

  做父母都知道,不论是terrible two或terrible three, four,有孩子在家,日子会过得飞快。孩子牙牙学语的情境还历历在目,转眼就变成“驳嘴驳舌”的teenager。

  Teenage阶段自然也有它的挑战。十来岁是孩子的反叛期。生理因素使然,每个孩子都是这样。虽然父母都明白,但孩子的性情改变,父母也总会感到难受︰

  Even if it's considered "developmentally appropriate," it hurts when someone you love speaks to you disrespectfully(不尊重地) and willfully(有意地) ignores what you've asked them to do. When a child's behaviour takes swings of intolerableness(难以容忍), it affects the parent, as well. When a child begins to withdraw or shut you out, you wonder how long it may last.

  其实孩子不论在哪个成长阶段,父母最重要的是懂得与他们沟通。Adele Faber和Elaine Mazlish合着的How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk,在这方面提供指引。

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